I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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