I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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