I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
