Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
