Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
