I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
