you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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