Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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