I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
