K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
