I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
