is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
