ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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