there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
