Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
