Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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