Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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