when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
