I just pynch a tree in the face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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