At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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