I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Damn victory sex feels great
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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