I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
