My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
