How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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