If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
