Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
