I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
