you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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