But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How's work?
Spinning.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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