apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
