WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
