you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
