i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it was like eating out sand paper
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Be still, my beating vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
