do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
