he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
These 27 Creepy People Did The Craziest Things To Prove Their Love
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.