I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize