Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
