My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??