he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
