girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after