I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day