Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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