It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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