During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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