dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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