Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

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(631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/uux2

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(206): View more from Washington

I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

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(206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r

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(352): View more from Florida

He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.

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(352): He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies. http://tfl.nu/ks6d

Replies (8) Good night (561) Bad night (3001)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Update, blind date is cute and fun.

(248): View more from Michigan

Scratch that, blind date just threw up.

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(248): Update, blind date is cute and fun. (248): Scratch that, blind date just threw up. http://tfl.nu/ooba

Replies (10) Good night (525) Bad night (3857)
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(419): View more from Ohio

having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work

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(419): having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work http://tfl.nu/n6gj

Replies (5) Good night (392) Bad night (3982) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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(440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv

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(216): View more from Ohio

somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

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(216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck

Replies (17) Good night (8828) Bad night (871)
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(443): View more from Maryland

shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy

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(443): shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy http://tfl.nu/uhwk

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(626): View more from California

I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

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(626): I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well. http://tfl.nu/o4bp

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

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(704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6

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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.

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(720): I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up. http://tfl.nu/iuni

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(919): View more from North Carolina

then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.

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(919): then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building. http://tfl.nu/wz5k

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(404): View more from Georgia

Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.

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(404): Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire. http://tfl.nu/nkea

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(313): View more from Michigan

he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"

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(313): he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH" http://tfl.nu/f18j

Replies (9) Good night (1869) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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(812): View more from Indiana

Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.

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(812): Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night. http://tfl.nu/i4xm

Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt

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