things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
