Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.