I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
