You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
