oh god the rape fog is back!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
did you just send me my own nude
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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