so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
