..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
4 words: hood of his car
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is Oprah even human
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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