There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
