a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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