You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
