I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
