let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
