why didn't you poke me back
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
