Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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