It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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