im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
