we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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