Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
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when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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