Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
