he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
