I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
