im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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