how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
