I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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