I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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