My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize