It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize