dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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