We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
