A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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