You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
