so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
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As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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