He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
