im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
