Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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