he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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