His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
