boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
