Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
